So today's blog post is going to be a little different.
And obscenely long and perhaps even boring. Nonetheless, this took me actually around a week to complete because I keep on learning new things to think about and to reflect every single day..so...brace yourselves (and be prepared to be overwhelmed by my lack of English and grammar skills lately)
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| Maybelline Baby Lips - Walmart (awesome for hydration) |
Today, I am going to talk about something that's had a huge impact on most of my life, a word called: relationship. Funny that I should talk about this, because really, even though I have come a long way from my past experiences (since 14 years old) I still feel like I haven't aged at all in that area. I felt like I have never even learned one single bit ever since my first relationship. Although, I admit I have gotten a little less shy, and able to talk, somehow, I still still STILL get scared/nervous that I will do something stupid in front of them. However, that's not what's important. The important part is that...I still have not learned my lesson from my first heartbreak. I will still somehow, fall for him quickly, believe him, and go head over heels for him even though I have only known a guy for not even a week. The only thing that's changed in that area is that the me now will do these for different (wrong-ish) reasons as opposed to the 14 year old me.
The teenager years of me have went or guys that has liked me first, and then I dated them only because I was able to make them happy. And then, my feelings developed as I was in the relationship with them. It worked for me back then. Ofcourse after my highschool years, I realized why can't I get what I want? Why can't instead, I go for the guy that I like? So as I grew up, I began to change the way that I look, got into make-up, changed the way I dress, etc, all these things that a typical girl would do (about time, huh?). And all for what? Well, I WANT to say, all for myself.....well.....that is only 40% true. The other 60% is for the sole purpose of trying to either attract that someone or guys in general. And here is where
I didn't want to admit it. I've done a good job of lying to myself all these years and eventually, even I believed it. Then, it became a routine for me to wake up early, to do my make-up every single day (where would I be without make-up? certainly not on this blog), to carefully pick out my clothes every single day, and to stare at the mirror for a pro-longed period of time......Okay I'm going off on a tangent here.
Okay so, going back on track, I have always thought the two statements below were always true and have lived by them for so many years when it comes to relationships:
a. Just as long as you keep on trying, you will always be able to get what you want.
b.
It doesn't matter if the guy doesn't have a job right now, just as long as you love him and he loves you the same, and is happy with him, he will come around to change.
NAIVE right? I couldn't have been more wrong, wrong....WRONG. Maybe I have been brain washed by all these Taiwanese dramas that I've been watching recently (In these shows, they always feature good looking guys who always do sweet things for the one girl and is never a player...anyways, back to reality) So I am going to break it down this way in what I have gathered:
For the Statement a:
i) The guy will always do what he wants and nothing will stop him from doing so (ty for snapping me out of my lala land, s) I used to think that maybe with a little effort, I was
always (I am so vain) able to get any guy to be wrapped around my midget fingers....oh man. Instead, recently I have finding myself wrapped around theirs, and man, was it hell. Why didn't they teach you in schools that in reality, as you grow older, falling in
love is so painful?
ii) No matter how many times you show you like him/love him/lust for him/ whatever, if a guy likes you, he will show it, but...BUT....do not be confused with a guy that merely lusts for you. And I admit, I've been/have/is a victim of such case. Sometimes, in the beginning, you simply just can't tell if a guy actually likes you or just simply wants you for sex.
SOMETIMES you will not be able to find out until after you may/may not have committed this mistake.
For the Statement b:
Let's get real here. Which girl does not bear the
VERY LEAST materialism at all? Now I'm not saying the kind of girls that takes shopping sprees at Louis Vuitton (oh, how I envy thou), Holt Renfew, Chanel, Hermes, [insert as much designers you can think of here] etc, but you know, we all want to look decent/attractive, likes good looking guys [that comes with a fat wallet], etc...
isn't it funny how that the guy that you said that you would never date instantly became attractive when you found out about his figures? I mean com'on, its all part of nature.
Survival of the fittest, and at this point in century, in most cases, good looking girls
still attracts the guys (initially anyways). Well at my age of 23....relationships just simply can't only be based on eachother's feelings anymore (why is it that the older you are, the more complex you realize the world is?)....as much as I've tried in the past, this IMO simply cannot be done for those of you that is at and/or around my age (if you can prove me wrong, then I really envy you - hence the "true love").
Unrealistically, every single girl wants these things in a man (just admit it):
a) Hot/Good Looking (this definition varies by girls)
b) Income of 6 figures (in USD currency) or make enough to be able provide for you
c) He caters to your every needs
d) In his eyes there is only you, you and you.
e) He is romantic
In TV dramas(mostly the ones that I watch anyways), the guy is all of the above.
In the real world, the 99.999999999999% (rounded to the nearest decimal point) is either
i) a) + b)
ii) b) + c) + d) + e)
iii) a) only
iv) b) only
v) c) + d) + e)
So based on which ones we value more, we choose the guys in either of the categories. As for me, in the I have always been choosing guys in catagory ii) or v). But I want to ask, don't you sometimes find these kind of guys a little too "
safe" and sometimes "
boring"? Why is it that us girls are always so stupid and always fall for the jerks, and never the nice guys? So, after passing my 20th birthday, I have been (and still sort of) guilty of going for guys mostly in the catagory i)
Okay so now, I'm going to cut to the chase. Recently, I have came across this picture on 9Gag.com
Wise words indeed.
I took a big step back, and I thought about everything that I have done.
"Am I in love with him, or his 6 figure digits?"
"Why is it that I let myself get hurt?"
"Why do I rush into things?"
And with that, I went on an immediate shopping spree in-between my classes to the closest mall.
While walking and looking at clothes, I answered my own questions and came to several realizations
a) Patience is everything (as well as a virtue, as commonly told). As hard is this is for me, but I really need to keep this in mind. The sooner the relationship progresses, the sooner it ends. (ty. J).
b) If you want to meet classy guys, you have to dress and act the part.
c) When it comes to finding Mr. Right, what matters in a guy the most is that
i) he treats you right
ii) not a player
iii) stable enough, but doesn't need to be insanely rich
and as for
everything else, you will just need to
learn to accept the person for who he is.
And Here comes the most important matter to a relationship:
TRUST.
How much can you trust the person? Are you the type that is either: innocent until proven guilty or the type that needs the guy to earn your trust before proceeding?
Well there's a problem with the latter one: you just simply cannot enter any stage in a relationship with no trust unless ofcourse this relationship is solely based on materialism and you absolutely don't care for one another to which I don't know why you would be in that kind of "relationship" (or lackthereof) in the first place. On the other hand, I am always the one that always trust the person until they do something to break that trust. But then, I always doubt them and then I try to find out more by involving their friend. Wrong move. I had recent talk with my friend recently, and he told me
"You can choose what you want to believe in".
Well, then, I said
"I want to believe the truth", and then he told me
"Yes, but you cannot find out the truth".
Unfortunately, that made me realize, that is the sad truth.
Indeed, I will probably never know the real truth, so I can only choose what I want to believe in. So I choose to believe him. Another new thing that I learned that day. Your relationship is ONLY between you and your new man, no matter what his friend(s) say, believe his words before anyone else's. Furthermore, it should only involve you and him, and no one else. Problems? Talk to HIM about it. Not to his friend(s). I learned it the very hard way and gave myself the complexity of the relationship.
Now I have one more thing to talk about, again I was talking to that same friend the other day, he told me something that went beyond my beliefs when it comes to relationships. Apparently, feelings do not last forever, and it is a matter of finding what eachother needs and that is what will determine stability in the relationship*cringes*. I have always thought you need feelings (the most, basic
FOUNDATION to any solid relationship), but is it true that you don't need feelings to continue and that the feeling will fade away? I was told to look at it in a wealthy (elder) men's prospective. A common stereotypical image of a wealthy elder men usually has a super model hot girlfriend by his side. Why? Clearly, the girl is with him for his money, and not for him, BUT he still accepts this. Because of one reason: Stability. As long as the guy has money, and the woman holds her looks (thanks to plastic surgery now these days), both of them has what they want, and the woman will never leave him and vise-versa. I reflected this upon into my own love life. Its true. The younger me
valued feelings > stability. Truth is, If I could go back to my old 21 year old self, I would never have gave that up. I thought about this and its true. Some people say (myself included) that after they marry, they will NEVER divorce no matter how bad things get. You marry, and you committed your life with this other person. As time pass, is it true that they still have the same feelings for each other as they first had?
What exactly is love? What is the difference between love and infatuation? Sometimes it is very hard to tell. Even you,yourself may say that you love the person, but simply, it might just be the infatuation talking. I thought that love is when you care very much about that certain someone, but then again, you can care for your friends the same way, but you have no feelings for them. So isn't that how most of the time, long married couples end up? Anyhow, freeing myself from a stable relationship that I've had in the 2 years, I have learned a whole bunch. Certainly has made me a better person in knowing how to cherish the good ones, and also gave me a more realistic outlook on what exactly relationships is all about in the end.
Anyways, this is what I came home with on a shopping therapy while thinking about these thoughts:
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1. shirt - H&M
2. Shorts - H&M
3. Nude Heels - Winners |
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| Everything above is from Winners =) Also reasonably priced at $20 (CAD) or under (I'm an awesome bargin hunter, huh?) |
Happy Valentines Day Everyone =).
